System Requirements

If you buy new software, you'd better make sure your hardware is equipped to handle it. God, too, has "system requirements."

Do you want to Excel?

Microsoft Excel, that is.

If so, your computer will need to meet certain system requirements. For Excel 2013, you'll need a processor that is one gigahertz. The required operating system is either Windows 8, Windows 7, Windows Server 2008 R2 or Windows Server 2012. You'll also need a certain amount of computer memory and hard disk space, as well as a particular kind of display.

These are the minimum system requirements.

You consult them every time you do a software download.

Of course, if you live in some parts of the country, more rustic parts perhaps, you have to do a translation because geekspeak has a different meaning. For example:

LOG ON means "Make the wood stove hotter."

LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

MONITOR: Keep an eye on the wood stove.

DOWNLOAD: Get the firewood off the truck.

MEGA HERTZ: What happens when you're not careful as you get the firewood.

And finally, LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

But getting back to system requirements: Beyond the minimum system...