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| How to Sleep Through a Sermon — Without the Preacher Noticing The Homiletics Blog has been up now for about two years. In the past 24 months, we’ve logged in more than 270 posts. At first it was scary — blogging for such an erudite community as our Homiletics subscribers, not to speak of interested parties peering in. I thought I had to write something brilliant every time. And then I realized that wasn’t going to happen. I realized that with about my second post. Anyway, some blogs get more responses in personal e-mail than others, and I thought I would share an edited and revised version of four of the most popular, one from each quarter of the year past (2007) starting with the most recent. How to Sleep Through a Sermon — Without the Preacher Noticing As a preacher, you know that — your oratorical skills notwithstanding — some in your congregation have fallen asleep from time to time. As a public service, I am bringing to your attention the strategies people are using so that you don’t notice the degree of unorthodox somnambulism rampant in your congregation. Here is the advice they’re getting, to wit: ONE: Never fall asleep flat on the pew. To keep this from happening, it’s actually better to sit in a crowded pew, shoulder to shoulder with people on your left and right. Otherwise, if you fall asleep, you might lean right over on the pew and that’s not good. Read Acts 20:9 and be forewarned. A kid named Eutychus was sitting in a window well, fell asleep under Paul’s preaching and toppled three stories to the ground below. He was “picked up dead,” but fortunately, the apostle Paul was there to intervene. Your preacher is no apostle Paul. Trust me. TWO: When you sleep, don’t fall completely asleep, but just power nap instead. If you fall completely asleep, your sleep apnea might kick up and that’s embarrassing. Better to just go half-asleep, so that you’re vaguely aware of your surroundings. It helps to use a Bible to prop your chin up, or lean against your head. You can close your eyes, as long as the Bible is in view because the preacher will think you’re praying. If you power nap, you’ll be ready if the pastor asks you to pronounce the benediction. THREE: Have a friend be a watcher. Sit with someone who’s sympathetic to your plight. Your spouse may not be the right person. You need a friend who will nudge you if the preacher seems to be looking in your direction a lot. Make sure a Bible is open on your lap, or is prominently in view. Your friend can rouse you so that you can say an “Amen” and get back to your nap. FOUR: Don’t sit in the back pew. Believe it or not, this is the first place preachers look for sermon slackers. If you sit in the first or second pew, you can actually get more sleep in because preachers will just look right past you. FIVE: Don’t sleep through the entire sermon. After all, the preacher has something from the Lord you probably need to hear. But when you’ve heard it, you have no further obligation to stay awake. Still, if you can be awake for some of the sermon, you can then refer to it when you’re leaving the church and shaking the pastor’s hand. “Wonderful sermon, Reverend! I especially enjoyed the part where …” So, there you go. Hope this doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. —November 20, 2007 Let Us Co-Ruminate Together Today’s text comes to us from the July issue of the Journal for Developmental Psychology. The article we’re interested in is: “Prospective Associations of Co-Rumination With Friendship and Emotional Adjustment: Considering the Socioemotional Trade-Offs of Co-Rumination” by Rose, Carlson and Walker. The study uses new (to me) nomenclature for the language of sharing, discussing, unburdening, conversing, divulging and so on. The new word is co-ruminate. The authors of this study are exploring the use of co-rumination by pre-adolescent and adolescent girls who, it seems, are prone to this sort of thing, running as they do to the playground at recess and excessively rehashing their problems to their friends. This is, of course, a good thing. No, it’s a bad thing. The problem is that these freckle-faced, pimply-nosed girls keep going over the same old stuff. The result: Many sink into depression. Boys, they say, don’t co-ruminate as much as girls, and, when they do, they tend to blame others for their problems. Thus, no depression. Girls tend to blame themselves. Well, it’s interesting stuff. But I’m wondering if the church isn’t lagging behind in this area. Nomenclature is important. I’m thinking the church needs to update its language in the liturgy. Could we, or should we, now include a PRAYER OF CO-RUMINATION in which we confess our faults “one to another” and to God? “Sisters and brothers, Let us co-ruminate together …” I guess such a prayer would have to be in unison … I understand — you don’t have to tell me — that the word is used to emphasize how girls tend to go over and over and over something, until they’ve worked themselves into the Great Depression. But we do the same thing in the church. We go over and over and over about how needy and dependent and awful and sinful we are. The words might change from Sunday to Sunday, but the underlying thought is the same. We’re major screw-ups. So let us co-ruminate. Another use of this concept might be to have Co-Rumination Cell Groups instead of our “sharing” groups. Men might find such cell sessions more appealing than a sharing meeting. In a co-rumination group the guys would be more likely to chew the fat, chew the cud, shoot the breeze or shoot the bull — whatever — as long as something gets chewed and shot. In other words, talking more freely about who all’s responsible for their problems — if indeed they have any problems. Just co-ruminating out loud, man. —July 19, 2007 I’ll Be Your Server We just got back from Jose O’Shea’s in west Denver. It’s a cool little eatery — been around for years. I noticed again tonight what I’ve noticed on other occasions. The wait staff these days really wants to let me know that they’re there to serve. Radical idea, huh? This is what we heard at O’Shea’s: “Hi, my name is Lisa, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” Lisa is going to take care of me. That’s fabulous! A couple of nights ago at P.F. Chang’s, Justin said that he’d be my “server” tonight! How cool is that? What would happen if a stranger walked into church and someone came right up to him or her, and said, “Hi, my name is Allison, and I’ll be taking care of you today”? Wow! Couldn’t we just say that to each other once in a while? Hey — I’m here to serve you. I’ll be your server today. I’m gonna take care of you today. —June 28, 2007 The MyGeneration In a recent Back Page, (Jan-Feb 2007), I argue that while we once lived in a Me Generation world, a ME-lennium, we don’t any more. It’s a MYGenerational world. The evidence is all around us. MySpace, MyMovies, MyNews, and so on. And now there’s MyKleenex. I can personalize my Kleenex box with pictures of my loved ones, or even of myself — doing something heroic and noble, to be sure. Like standing in front of the Washington Monument looking goofy. Is there no end to the narcissistic possibilities? What next? Photos of Grandma on MyToiletPaper? I’m in San Francisco, and I’ve been talking to people from around the world, mostly Third World countries. Take a guess at what their concerns are right now? You can bet it’s not about how to personalize tissues. As a general principle, I should just pull out my checkbook and write a check to World Vision for 5 percent of my annual income to cover the stupid things I spend my money on. And then stop spending money on stupid stuff. —February 19, 2007
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