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| Most of the time I need to get saved On Fox network’s programming schedule last spring (and perhaps it’s still on or in reruns) one show caught my attention: Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader. I’ve got to say that whil I thot I wuz smarter than a 5th-grader, I are not near so smart as i thot. Okay. The show’s debut in February was the most-watched debut for Fox in its history with 26.5 million viewers. And there are some cute features. Contestants can “peek” at another student’s paper, or even “copy” their work, or — in extreme cases — they might need to get “saved.” So why do we watch these shows? Because we enjoy seeing people humiliated and abused, we enjoy mocking simpletons, and we enjoy feeling superior. When a contestant loses on this show, or “drops out” of class with a fist full of money, he or she has to peer into the camera and say to millions of Americans, “I am NOT smarter than a fifth-grader.” That’s humiliation. Especially when you have to say it in front of six adorable children — all card-carrying members of the Screen Actors Guild, incidentally — with IQs of Einsteinian proportions who have been playing along with you. I was fascinated when one woman was faced with the question, “Which of the seven continents is also a country?” I can’t remember whether that was a first-grade geography question, or third grade. The contestant talked herself through it and correctly named all seven of the continents, but she couldn’t get past her conviction that “they’re all countries!” So she had to take her money and drop out. Asked what her answer would have been had she risked it all, I think she said “Europe.” Jay Leno does a “Jaywalking” segment from time to time in which he asks typical people on the street insanely obvious questions. The fun begins when people respond with insanely outrageous answers. Leno in Las Vegas to “Trisha”: “What’s the name of a hotel on the strip with a Parisian landmark?” “What’s Parisian?” Later: “And where is Paris?” “London?” You suspect that Leno’s producer cut all the “smart” people who have no problem with Leno’s questions and we see only the stupid ones. Same for Fox. The contestant is not the brightest light in the chandelier. Not stupid, but not bright either. I went to www.gotoquiz.com to take the “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader” quiz. The questions were: 1. What color do you get when you combine an equal amount of red paint with an equal amount of yellow paint? 2. True or False: Polar bears eat penguins. 3. What nation has the longest border with the United States? 4. How many sides does a trapezoid have? 5. What was the name of the ship the pilgrims first took to get to the United States? (The question should not have referenced the United States as there was no United States at the time of the Pilgrims!) 6. Who was the first president to be impeached? 7. True or false: The ostrich is the fastest bird on land. 8. How many years is one term for a U.S. representative? 9. How many states are there? 10. What is the largest South American country by area? I missed one question. Still, the quiz-makers said that with a 90 percent score I was definitely smarter than a fifth-grader. So am I supposed to be happy with that? I’m smarter than most 11-year-olds! Whoop-dee-do. And who cares? See, what I love about this is that the culture continues to feed me on a regular basis hot material for the preaching task. Trinity Sunday. Technically, for this issue of Homiletics, it’s already behind us. But you’re reading this very possibly within a week of Trinity Sunday (June 3). It’s the only Sunday of Cycle C in the Revised Common Lectionary (outside of Easter Vigil for all three cycles) in which we have a Proverbs text. The Proverbs text for Trinity Sunday is 8:1-4, 22-31: “Does not wisdom call, and does not understanding raise her voice? On the heights, beside the way, at the crossroads she takes her stand; beside the gates in front of the town, at the entrance of the portals she cries out: ‘To you, O people, I call, and my cry is to all that live.’” Wisdom cries out to “all that live.” And do we not need to hear the cry of Wisdom today more than ever? We also have to ask, “What is it that is really important to know? Ed Hirsch told us in his book Cultural Literacy. Harold Bloom gave us The Western Canon. Maybe I am smarter than a fifth grader because I know how to find out information better than a fifth grader and because I might have better critical thinking skills than a fifth-grader, although that — in the view of many — is suspect. Moreover, what we deem crucial to a literate education may vary according to our cultural heritage. This is why standardized testing is problematic, especially if it is perceived to be framed on certain western and/or European cultural assumptions. The show also nudges us to revisit what and how we’re teaching the Bible in Sunday school. Once, a highly animated grandmother — much smarter than a fifth-grader — complained loudly that the children in the primary classes were being taught the story of Adam and Eve as if it actually happened. I took the position with her that the children would indeed be taught the Adam and Eve story as if it actually happened — this would be their theological foundation — and that we’d explain the notion of myth and cultus when they were in post-graduate school. Well, better wrap this up. Truth is, knowledge is pretty useless per se; its value lies in how it helps us live in community and to nurture and enhance the well-being of its members. And that’s why, as I live with others in community, or some kind of covenanted relationship, I often have to peek, or copy. Most of the time I need to get saved.
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